that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
