Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
