I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
