there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize