Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
