I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
