so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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