i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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