New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
