I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
