I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
