my mouth tastes like poor choices
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
