Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
