her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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