overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
