90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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