I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
