I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
