i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
