Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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