so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
