she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize