ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
