you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
