She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
