No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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