i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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