Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
