Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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