Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
