yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
