More tranny stories later!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can I color on your dick again?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
