Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
