how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
