Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
