I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
