i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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