Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
