im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
