our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
