Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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