On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
