My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
