I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
