I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I had to cum in my sink.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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