Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
