I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This toilet bowl is my home.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
