I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
