If that was your dad, he is hot
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it penis luge time yet?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
