I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
