i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize