I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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