I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
