So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
