he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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