I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
