yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
