all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
