watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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