We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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