he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
