fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
