I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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