You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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