My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
