you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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