So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she told me i tasted like america
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
